Shattering into Millions
by PrimeLegend
Summary: He decided to hold onto his feelings, not letting anyone know. The small crack never healed over, remaining in his heart; but everyone knows that the tiniest of fractures can cause the entire structure to collapse, to shatter into millions of pieces. The presence of death is too strong to outwit, too long to outlast. Kidou-centric story
1. Reunion

**Author's Notes: Hello! This is a two-part story I decided to write over break. **

**Please enjoy and leave your thoughts! - Legend**

* * *

The day was supposed to be exciting, anticipated by all viewers around the world. It was exciting for X amount of time. On another sunny day of the FFI, Inazuma Japan was scheduled to play against the undefeated team Orpheus who represented Italy.

Leading Orpheus was their coach Mr. K otherwise known as Kageyama Reigi.

This wasn't their first encounter with Kageyama Reigi. Out of everyone on the team, Kidou had spent the most time with him. Previously, he was known as the leading commander of Teikoku Gakuen. His desire to win was vicious, and his methods were unorthodox. Kidou had only seen him a few times over the past year. His last time was when Raimon defeated Shin Teikoku. Typically, he would be in hiding. So, seeing him at FFI surprised Kidou.

Kageyama Reigi seemed like a changed man.

Unlike the past, his methods for obtaining victory were different than before. He didn't aim to hurt opposing players. Rather, he did what ever other soccer player does, devise clever hissatsu tactics that were difficult to break; and boy, Kageyama's tactic were challenging to exploit. Catenaccio Counter, a defensive hissatsu created to trap players and steal the ball, was created by the man himself. Italy's new tactic was changing the tide of victory.

Finally, after all past drama, Kidou was fighting on fair terms with the man he once called commander. For once, Kidou was happy playing a soccer match against Kageyama. It reminded him of the old days at Teikoku before realizing Kageyama's true nature. Now, he wasn't his commander nor a despised villain, just a regular enemy in soccer.

Kageyama wasn't physically on the field, but he had an ace up his sleeve known as Fideo, a worthy opponent for Kidou and Inazuma Japan. He was an identical "copy" of Kidou, technique, style, tactical skill in all. Unlike Demoniao Strata who was merely a clone of Kidou's appearance, Fideo was a carbon copy of Kidou's playstyle. The way he moved could deceive others as if they were fighting Kidou.

Only Kidou was able to predict and counteract against Fideo's plays. Luckily, with the assistance of Fudou and Sakuma, they broke Catenaccio Counter and used Koutei Penguin V3 to even the score with Orpheus.

Inazuma Japan's match against Orpheus was sensational. Both teams fought valiantly to win the match; the score ending in a tie.

Neither side was angry with the final results of their match. They both gave their all and were please fighting fair competition. However, the tying score with Orpheau left Inazuma Japan in a bad position since they previous lost to The Empire.

When all the players walked off the field, Kidou had the feeling that he must speak to Mr. K. Not should, must.

He didn't even have to say the first words for Kageyama had included him into the conversation.

"To think someone like you would realize.. No, it was because of you." spoke Kageyama. He paused to stop his thinking before giving his complements to us, before speaking to Kidou.

"Impressive. You guys are the real thing."

"So are you." replied Kidou.

"I wanted to be like you two."

"I'm sure you could have."

Kidou's words made Kageyama smile a bit. It was a beautifully shared moment between the two. Kidou never wanted it to stop till he heard the police sirens outside. Connecting the pieces, he realized what was happening.

"Did you turn yourself in?" asked Kidou questioningly.

"This is my last match. It was fun."

Kageyama had called the police on himself, how noble.

Oh, what little time they had let together to talk. Kidou couldn't have Kageyama leave without letting him know his true feelings. He removed the one connection he had with his former captian, his googles. His ruby red eyes were revealed for everyone to see, but Kidou didn't care. He only stared back at the captain who gave him his trademark.

"It has been a long time since I've seen your bare face."

Kidou remembered the exact day he received his googles. Kageyama handed them to him one day while watching Teikoku practice. At first, he thought they were ridiculous since they limited his range of sight. But, Kageyama pushed him to only see the crucial areas deeper than before. Seeing these areas opened new possibilities, predicting rotation and calculating dropping points of the soccer ball.

Kidou loved his googles; even after leaving Teikoku, he couldn't give them up.

"I suppose you don't need those anymore." mentioned Kageyama.

"No, I will still be using them from now on. They are my trademark, after all." Kidou stared back at his googles before placing them over his eyes.

"I see."

The police ran up to arrest Kageyama for his crime. He didn't deny his actions and willingly went the officers. As he walked away with the police, he added one final comment.

"I never thought the day would come when I would say this but... thank you, Fidio and Kidou."

That was the last thing, last conversation Kidou ever had with Kageyama, his former commander. Kidou watched as his commander was escorted out the stadium to prison. He wanted to say more to him before he left forever. No words left his lips. So many words were left unsaid, rattling in his brain. _Thank you._

By the staircase, he bowed in respect to Kageyama.

Little did Kidou know what would happen to his former coach.

Later that day, the news reported that Kageyama was involved in a truck collision at the police station. That evening, the authorities reported him to be dead.

Dead.

All of Inazuma Japan was watching the screen when the news was announced. The words "Tragic Accident! Orpheus former Coach Now Dead" glided across the screen. Kidou knew it wasn't an accident; it was a deliberate death, but he kept his lips shut.

The news shocked everyone, mostly previous members of Teikoku. It's scary how much of an impact one man can have on someone, especially when that someone is Kidou.

Kidou was the closest to Kageyama unlike Sakuma and Fudou. He was broken inside after hearing the news. That day, something changed in Kidou's heart.

A slight "crack" now formed inside Kidou's heart. A crack created by so many emotions Kidou held inside. He wouldn't show his pain to everyone. Afterall, Inazuma Japan was in the final stages of the tournament. He didn't want to worry anyone at the time. No one besides himself really cared about the man. These are the excuses he made for himself to believe in.

Kageyama's death passed off as nothing much to the others. Cruel things happen in the world; they all knew this. But, his death changed one of their players that night. Kidou was never the same again, at least that is what he appeared to be.

He decided to hold onto his feelings, not letting anyone know. The small crack never healed over, remaining in his heart; but everyone knows that the tiniest of fractures can cause the entire structure to collapse, to shatter into millions of pieces. However, the presence of death is too strong to outwit, too long to outlast.

* * *

**Chapter two will be coming soon! Until then, - Legend**


	2. Departure

After Inazuma Japan's match with Orpheus, everyone practiced harder to stay in the FFI. They couldn't wait to practice; time was of the essence.

"Bakunetsu Screw!"

"Snow Angel!"

"Ryuusei Blade!"

"Ijigen the Hand!"

With both hands, Endou successfully blocked the incoming shot from Hiroto. Determination set fire in Endou's eyes. Standing up, Endou looked up at the sky while wiping the sweat off his forehead. dark clouds were starting to come in signaling a storm. Because of this, he decided to finally stop practice for the day.

"Great work today minna!" hollered Endou. "Let's end practice for today."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and were relieved for getting a break. Some started with their final stretching, others walked over to the benches to get some water, and some just fell to the ground in exhaustion. OK, not some, It was only Kabeyama on the ground.

Inazuma Japan was going to have a practice match with the team Red Matador soon. They had to be prepared for anything.

Removing his gloves, Endou looked back at the field, seeing all his friends. Tsunami had his arm wrapped around Tachimukai's neck in as attempt to suffocate him while Kogure was laughing on the ground. Hiroto, Fubuki, and Kazemaru were gathering the soccer balls to be stored away. Kidou was just standing still midfield, looking at the enemy goal.

What Endou hadn't noticed was Gouenji sneaking up behind him.

"Ready to go inside?

"Ahh!" cried Endou. "Gouenji! Didn't take you as the scaring type."

"I'm not. You're just easily fooled, Endou." mocked Gouenji.

Endou knew he could be ignorant sometimes. He raised his arm to scratch the back of his head. "Ha..You are right."

The sky continued to darken; the storm was getting closer. Mostly everyone was inside getting ready for dinnertime. Fuyaka with the help of Haruna had planned a special meal for tonight.

Besides the two of them, only Kidou remained on the soccer field. He had moved from the spot he was at minutes ago. What exactly was he doing still?

Gouenji looked at Endou and commented, "Want to head inside now?"

"Go ahead, I'm going to talk to Kidou for a second!"

Gouenji glanced over the field to find Kidou still there. He understood that Endou wanted to check up on his teammates every now and then. It was his job as captain. "Alright, I'll meet you inside then."

Gouenji picked up his bag off the ground and walked up the hill inside.

Endou waved goodbye to Gouenji and turning around to greet Kidou. He started running toward the center field while yelling.

"Hey Kidou! How are you doing?"

Kidou didn't look at Endou when he arrived; he didn't need to. Endou's cry could be heard a mile away if he tried. He remained faced toward the goalpost, but replied to Endou. "Fine, and you?"

"Just great. Everyone had been improving so much! I think Fubuki and Kazemaru's new shoot is almost complete. I am so excited for our next match!"

"You are always excited."

"True, how could I not be? There are so many strong teams out there that I want to fight against. Anyway, what are you still doing out here? Everyone has gone inside already. Wait! Don't tell me." Endou paused for a second to finish his thinking "Are you thinking of another hissastu tactics for our practice match!"

"Something like that.." answered Kidou. His voiced was low yet not a whisper.

"That's just like you, Kidou. You always were a genius!" Endou patted Kidou's back a bit roughly.

Kidou flinched a bit from the sudden back pat. "I suppose." Short, sweet, and straight to the point.

Endou noticed Kidou sudden flinch. His arm strength may be powerful but not enough to hurt someone with a back pat. Was he anxious for some reason?

"You doing alright, Kidou?" asked Endou concerningly.

"Yea, I'm fine." he replied calmly.

Convinced with Kidou's response, Endou's tone changed back to happy. "Alrighty! Just had to make sure. We are playing a practice match pretty soon."

Kidou didn't seem like his normal self; but if he said he was alright, then Endou believed him. Daylight was seeping away as the cloud rolled in. Soon, it was going to rain on them both. "Well, I'm heading inside. Want to join?"

"Go ahead Endou. I'll be there in a bit."

"Ok, your sister has something special planned for dinner tonight that I'm looking forward to having. Make sure to get to early or Kabeyama may eat it all! I'll see you then. Bye!" Endou began running to the dorm.

Kidou wanted to yell a reply back but he couldn't. Speaking loudly would show the cracking in his voice, characterized with sorrow. "Bye Endou." whispered Kidou instead.

Now that everyone was gone for the day, Kidou couldn't hold it in much longer. The fracture inside still remained, burrowed under all his feelings. By now, he was beginning to shatter.

* * *

For dinner, Fuyaka made salmon onigiri wrapped in dried seaweed; and Haruna prepared homemade dango for everyone to enjoy. The room was filled with luscious smells that made everyone's mouths water.

Everyone was too busy enjoying the delicious meal to notice the absence of a cape wearing player.

"Haruna's dango is the best after a long practice! I'm so full; I can't move another step."

"Same, Tsunami." remarked Kabeyama as he fell backward into his chair.

"Thanks for the meal girls! You really outdid yourselves this time."

"Thanks Endou. I too got to work hard for everyone." thanked Haruna. She smiled at Endou before walking around the dinning area, picking up the final dishes to wash. Looking around the room, she noticed her brother was absent. "Hey.. has anyone seen Onichan?"

"Wasn't he here though?" said Kabeyama.

"Blockhead, you were too busy his share of dango to notice." remarked Tsunami.

"No, I haven't seen him since practice earlier." spoke Gouenji.

"That's highly unusual, considering that he is punctual for everything." said Hiroto.

"Yea, one time, Kidou arrived two hours early just to buy a stuff animal. What a moron." sassed Fudou.

"Uh, I was there with him that day buying a teddy bear for my sister. That stuffed animal was a limited edition feathered penguin plushy he was buying for Sakuma's birthday. This is a different case." defended Gouenji.

Sakuma blushed at the comment in the corner; he didn't know that fact. Kidou really was a caring friend. Like a loyal follower, he defended his former captain. "You are in no place to backtalk Kidou. He actually cares about others unlike you Fudou. However... Kidou did seem distracted today in practice. He wasn't playing like he usually does. He almost tripped on the ball while dribbling."

"Yea, I actually managed to steal the ball off him for the first time. I outsmarted Kidou!" commented Kogure.

All heads turned to stare at Kogure after his outrageous comment.

"Something isn't right then." spoke Gouenji immediately.

"Hey!" yelled Kogure. He really was proud of that 'accomplishment.'

Suddenly, a loud boom of thunder echoed in the room, scaring Tachimukai and the girls. They all squealed by the unexpected noise except Tachimukai who completely jumped into Tsunami's arms. Outside, it was starting to pour rain heavily.

Then, Endou remembered leaving Kidou on the field earlier. "Guys, I think he is still outside."

Dropping Tachimukai, Tsunami jumped onto one of the dinner chairs. "Well, let's go get him then!" yelled Tsunami cheerfully.

Out the doors, the entire team ran to find there missing tactician.

* * *

There was nothing Kidou could do to get him back.

Kageyama Reigi was gone forever.

You would think that he would be relieved that he was gone. No longer would he haunt Kidou in his thoughts, remind him that he was just a "creation" for soccer. The burden on Kidou's heart should have been lifted. He should feel free as a bird's first flight. But, the heavy feeling on heart stayed the only change he experienced was the formation of a heart fracture.

One more thing to worry about.

How was he able to feel heavy hearted yet empty at the same time? Kidou didn't have the answers for that.

In everyone's eyes, Kageyama's death was an accident, but he knew the truth. He understood the man too well.

Kidou broke the silence he had been listening to for the last hour. "I know your death wasn't an accident, nothing ever was with you. You planned to die that day. Was death your only way to escape? Such whispers escaped his lips.

Kidou felt abandoned and forgotten by Kageyama. "I was there; I could of been there for you. No matter how much you have hurt me, I wouldn't have left."

His anger began to grow deaper. "After everything we have been though, you throw it away when we finally made peace!"

He wasn't Kageyama's creation, but he wasn't sure who he was without him in his life. Everything about him all of a sudden felt like a lie. His cape, his hairstyle, his googles, his identity was compromised.

Kidou removed his googles off his face, looking at his reflection in the glass. He couldn't stand to see them anymore. Forcefully, he threw his trademark on the ground, far from where he stood. Kidou ripped his cape off his shoulders, tossing it away. The red cape gently floated to the ground. he yanked the ponytail out of his hair, letting his dreads fall down.

Kidou stood their an empty man, a hollow shell with no purpose to fulfill.

All his actions were even meant to please or defy him. Now that he is gone, what was the point?

What perfect timing, the rain started pouring down on him. The caped player still remained in the center of the field, not caring if he was getting soaked.

"Why? Why did you decide to leave us, leave me. Was I not enough? Was I not good enough for commander? Kidou yelled at the storm, thinking he would get an answer if so.

He kneeled down as if beaten down by an invisible force. His head lowered in defeat; his hair blocking most of his sight.

"Come back, commander? I can't be alone." pleaded Kidou.

When Kageyama died, he didn't shed a single tear. It was easy to hide his reaction behind his googles. Instead, he put up a brave front and continued his day like everyone else. He didn't allow himself to cry.

He couldn't hide his feeling forever; but, now felt like a good time to really let loose.

Under the rain, Kidou sobbed for his dead commander. His chest felt tight, his heart pounded roughly. On both knees, Kidou hunched over, his stomach toughing his wet knees. He buried his hands in his hair and cried out loudly. The crack in heart expanded deeper, deeper, reaching a limit.

Kidou's heart shattered like glass under the rain.

His cries were not muffled by the sound of rain. Apparently, he could beat Endou's cry when he tried.

* * *

Everyone was running to the practice field to get Kidou. Under the shaded porch beside the field, the players stopped their running. When they arrived, they didn't expect what was happening to Kidou.

The players arrived too late to see a broken man on the field.

Kidou stood underneath the rain, not wearing his trademark items. His hair was now down, wet and messy on his shoulders.

Typically, they wouldn't mind getting wet outside. But, it wasn't the rain that preventing people from moving, it was the situation. No one moved to run down the hill to the field. Instead, they stood there figuring what to do.

Everyone could hear Kidou from where they were hiding. They all heard Kidou cry "Why? WHY! Why did you decide to leave us, leave me. Was I not enough? Was I not good enough for you?"

Most member knew who Kidou was talking about, but some were still left in the dark.

"Uh guys, who is he talking about?" spoke Tsunami.

"Kidou is talking about his former commander Kageyama Reigi who passed away the other day." said Gouenji.

"We played against him during our match with Orpheus. Kidou and him really connected at the end of the match." said Endou.

"Please come back, commander? I can't be alone." cried the broken man on the field.

They saw Kidou fall to his knees in pain. No one dare stared when Kidou started wailing. All could tell the torment in his voice.

Nobody knew that Kidou was hurting all this time; they felt like horrible teammates and friends for not noticing.

Kidou said he was alone, but that wasn't true. In fact, they all were there for him like they should be now.

Endou truly felt like a fool for not noticing Kidou's pain. He really was an idiot! How could he not notice when they wee talking early. Kidou barely spoke or acknowledge him, totally not Kidou-like.

Beside Endou stood the flame striker, Gouenji couldn't wait another second. Without warning, he sprinted into the pouring rain to greet Kidou. Someone had to comfort Kidou. Endou too followed Gouenji into the storm.

When everyone noticed Gouenji and their captain run, they all started taking off one by one. First Sakuma, then Fubuki, followed by Tsunami and everybody else.

Gouenji arrived first, looked down at the broken Kidou and instantly embraced him in a deep hug.

Kidou was phased with the sudden touch. He looked up to see Gouenji bear hugging him.

Ruby red eyes stared back at Gouenji. His vision was blurred by tears and rain water. "Gouenji, what are you doing here?" asked questioningly.

Gouenji looked back into his ruby eyes full of sadness. "Baka, what do you think?"

Then, Endou arrived and kneeled down beside Kidou. Someone else was here besides Gouenji. "Endou?"

"Hey Kidou." smiled Endou. Sincerity written all over his face. He joined the group huddle Gouenji started. Endou shugging on Kidou's left side with Gouenji on the right.

Both embracing him as if he would fall apart if they didn't. Kidou had been shaking from the cold and his crying.

Plainly stated, Kidou was shocked. Two of his best friends were out in the pouring rain in the middle of the practice field squishing him. What? How? Why?

"We are so sorry Kidou. We know how close you were to Kageyama and should of comforted you when hearing the news." said Gouenji. "Losing someone that close is hard. We should have been by your side.."

"Guys.." whispered Kidou.

"I have been a terrible captain for not being there for you. Heck, I've been a terrible friend above all. I'm sorry for being an idiot."

"I too have been a horrible friends and a fool for not helping you. Forgive us?"

This wasn't supposed to happen now, not ever. They shouldn't be blaming themselves. Kidou never thought that neither of them were terrible friends. In fact, Gouenji and Endou may be two of his best friends, excluding Sakuma. Kidou never asked them for consolation, comfort, relief. Rather, he asked to be alone sending Endou away ever chance they spoke together. He was just held up in his own grief to consider their perspective.

"We both are here for you. Never forget that you are never alone, Kidou." said Gouenji.

Kidou was left speechless, overwhelmed with everything that was happening. He started wiping more tears from his eyes since they wouldn't stop.

"It hurts so much." Kidou tightly embraced both of his friends.

By then, the rest of the team had caught up to them but stood their distance, even Sakuma. They didn't want to interrupt but still be a part. Everyone was there to support him.

Soaked and cold, Kidou continued to cry under the rain. His friends not moving from his sight. Who knows how long them stood under the rainfall, but no one planned to leave Kidou.

Fixing glass is hard to accomplish; but with patience and good friends, it can be done.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this. I wanted to make this into a long series, but I don't have the time and patience. ;) **

**When I wrote this, it was to celebrate the one year anniversary of my first story "Meaning of Sacrifice." **

**Let me know what you think! Cheesy? Inspiration? Enjoyable? Otherwise, thanks for reading! - Legend**


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